01. The Search
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
I know now that the chance was slim
“Honey don’t you depend on him,”
There was truthfulness in her eyes,
“You have got to see through all his lies.”
California where all is bright
But surrounding me all was night.
Nobody knew the secret you held;
All the lies that within you swelled
And grew into deceit.
So now can you tell me…
Do you remember me?
Like I was by the sea
Blinded by innocence
Or did you even sense
That I was looking for love from you,
Begging for love from you,
All I wanted was love from you?
Searching for love from you!
There’s a place where the tide pools form;
Or were we in the eye of the storm?
Are these lies or just big mistakes?
And you’re asking me, “What would it take
To make you see
That it’s all put behind me?”
02. Guildencrantz
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
There are more things in Heaven and Earth, then are dreamt of in your philosophy,
And there are fewer dreams in Purgatory then are lived out in your hypocrisy.
Did you know that we are all puzzle pieces in a jigsaw mess?
And did you know that the more you struggle to fool me the more I love you less?
It's a habit that's become your habitat
It's a bottle that keeps filling itself (like the widow and her oil)
It all just keeps on filling up again.
03. Red
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
It’s the color of blood,
The color of roses,
The color of tired eyes,
The color of a tear streaked face.
So I read you my story
And everything was read;
Even my darkest secrets were read out loud.
I read you my story
And my story was red;
From my heart to my hands
From my lips to my shoes
I’ve got nothing to loose
And when all’s done and said,
It was red.
It’s the color of courage,
The color of blushing shame,
The color of poppies,
The color of throbbing pain.
It marks the finish line,
The signal of break lights,
The passion of hatred,
The hue of undying love.
Tap your heels together three times;
Shakespeare doesn’t always have to rhyme!
When he’s angry it’s all he sees;
When I’m in love it’s everything, everything I breathe!
He’s everything I breathe!
04. Praying To The Walls
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
Like you and I she had seen hard times,
But never once had she resigned
Her human pride and got down on her knees
And lifted up a despairing plea.
“Oh, God, I know we have never spoken
So let this prayer be a sort of token
That I have reached my last wits end;
I want you to know this is a last ditch effort.
“And it’s like Praying to the Walls,
Echoes answer, Despair calls,
But just as I would turn my head
I hear you silent whisper.
Yes, I hear your silent whisper.
“My tears have fed me day and night
And I have said, ‘Where is your God?’
Now see how I, I am crumbling fast
This prayer will be my first and last.
“Do I hear you because I want to?
Do I feel you because I need to?
I don’t care what deaf men say;
I hear your silent whisper!
Yes, I hear your silent whisper!
05. Blackbird
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
Guest vocals by Mathias Blad
The Lord of the Flies has risen
Beelzebub takes his stand,
Leviathan’s Flame is kindled
He offers to you his hand
And your heart is ravished with his sweet words;
The Prince of the Power of the Air releases his …
Blackbird sits in the tree
Staring straight back at me.
The Backbird just as before
Crying the omen “Nermore!”
I can feel the tempest rising,
Deep inside it grows but I see;
So I am free
The fountain of Truth has gone dry
The Tree of Eternal Life withers
And yet I am nourished by its sweet fruit and
What I eat of is what I am, yet the …
Blackbird sits in the tree
Staring straight back at me.
The Backbird just as before
Crying the omen “Nermore!”
I can feel the tempest rising,
Deep inside it grows but I see;
So I am free
06. The Haunting
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
I am a ghost sitting in your living room
This sounds morose but I am living in a living tomb
Oh yes I die every time you say goodbye to me
No, you don’t say it with your lips but with your eyes.
Sitting with a ghost, drinking chamomile tea and coffee.
Get the post. There is nothing here for me today
And yes I’d die just to get through to you, Didn’t you
Say that we would be together till death do us part?
Don’t you see me? Can’t you hear me?
We must end the haunting
Don’t you need me? It’s not easy
Facing facts, the way you act
You’d think I’m haunting you
You look at me but you don’t see
I think I’m haunting you.
All the love has died; does this mean that death is parting us?
Or have you lied? Is there something you’re not telling me?
I find your silence as painful as if you’re leaving me
And if your love has died then I will set you free.
Grey clouds please come my way
And tell me, tell me, tell me you are here to stay
Rain, rain don’t go away
I’d rather fall down with you
Than be Happy, then be Content
Than be Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Than be Cheerful and just Smile
And pretend I’m living in a Perfect World.
I never like to lie;
I’m not one of those people prone to fantasize
I know tides rise and fall;
I’d rather not rise at all
World is a messed up place and
Though I admit there’s grace in it
I don’t want to be one of those
People who live perfect lies
People who live perfect lies.
07. Avuncular
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
Free as a bird you deemed me to be
A hunter you closed in; set your sights on me.
And we were two & two makes four yet cut into thirds;
Closer then words can tell.
And you would bend me mold me force me into your box.
I’d get in return my Avuncular.
Free as an eagle I’d soar on the wind
Followed by a shadow that came from within
I must let go of the senses connecting me to the ground
I cannot be what you are forcing me to be.
Caged like a tiger too wild for your taste
And chained like a martyr who forced you to face up against
All that you had suffocated inside your mind
Began to unwind; I rolled up the blinds
And let the light of Heaven fall upon the dust on your shelves
Your creative well was drier then Hell.
08. Mercy
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
This is the point of no return
The place where we must look around
And remember
This is the time of contemplation
The second of eternity
We are mortals
Needing signs of love from one another.
We are the children of Adam
The inheritors of Eve
And the fruit of Death
We must be careful where we tread
Must be careful what we say
Lest we loose our way
In time everyone falls, in time everyone calls
For Mercy on the children
Mercy on the Sons of Men
This fear of suffering
Pulls us to our feet
Makes us stand up tall
Wondering where evil men get the gall … Mercy.
We must have mercy to survive
Must have Mercy to give life - In the springtime
All of the scapegoats have been loosed
The Slaughtered Lamb is on the Tree - The Tree of Life
Showing signs of love to one another.
We must forgive our fellow man
Just as we have been forgiven - It’s the only way
Peace, she is the lifeblood of this land
She’s the only way a pierced hand
Can be justified.
09. A Chance To Die
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
One thing I’ve desired
More then any other thing;
Let me taste the air of Heaven.
Night & day will pass away
But like one of the prophets
Let me be nourished by your ravens.
For this life is A Chance to Die;
To follow in the footsteps of Amma.
A Chance to Die,
A chance to fly,
A Chance to Die like Amma.
Broken by the ocean waves
Yet I stand victorious.
I walk the razors edge.
The river has broken free
Spreading all it’s mercy
Over the iron ground.
10. Glass
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
How like glass my heart is shattered
Broken pieces on my floor,
Memories of love are tainted
Despair opens wide his door,
Calling me, "Child, I'll embrace you
Like your father never could,
I will hold you fast forever
Like your father never would."
Looking back I see the traces
Of the cold undercurrent
Living lies to hide the cruelty
All the years of fear I spent
Wondering if I was alone
In this sea of agony,
Thinking maybe I was crazy,
Wishing that I wasn't me.
Only now I cross the border
Leaving Wonderland behind,
But the shadow still hangs over
As the twisted lies unwind,
Memories I reinterpret
Reading hate into the smiles,
Reading lies into promises
As his lust my trust defiles.
Here witness my bitter anguish
My heart poured out like red wine
All the tears and fears and anger
Betrayal words can't define
Bruised and lied to, pushed to hatred
Now the hatred melts away
All I'm left with is a dream of
What life should have been today.
11. Little Bird
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
The paint looked like blood on her little white toes
“Good morning” I said, “My little white rose.”
Do I look pretty, at least, good enough for him?
His heart has been locked up and I can’t get in!
I can’t get out, can’t get out, I can’t get out!
Said the little bird in a panicked mind of frame
I can’t get out, can’t get out, I can’t get out!
Said the little bird in the little bird cage.
There is a place and there no one else can go
A secret she keeps there that no one else can know
Littered with regrets and wounds that time won’t heal
Her beauty conceals what her panic reveals
The wire twisted tight round the little steel door
The bird in her fright could not sit on the floor
But flapped against the bars, and she could not bare
But she must have freedom and so she declared.
12. Foundling
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
I am not my father’s daughter
I’m a paradigm of fate
I have fought to break down the walls he built around us
And I think that I played Samson in his temple full of hate.
I have come to do what I was made to.
When you are afraid keep the light on
Imminent danger down the hall
Never let go of your religion
When there’s none but Abba Father little foundling baby girl
Don’t fall.
I remember your consternation
I remember your nightmares well
Some make vascular libations to the demons
Dancing figures in the shadows cast upon your mental wall
I have come to bring you soothing warnings.
Never let evil steal your innocence;
Not of the body, but the heart and soul
All of your guilt and pandemonium
Is an illusion, is a diffusion of the pain pent in your soul
Don’t fall.
13. The Mad, Mad March Hare Acoustic Exposition
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
Oh come one and come all and listen to my story
The lady we consider Truth has become quite a whore, she
Is true to the baker and likewise to the candlestick maker
And all the while the lies beguile ‘till darkness overtakes her.
Well I know and you know, and he knows, and she knows
That Truth has come down with a cold, so we best send her flowers
The doctor, the doctor, the red, white, and blue doctor
Declared her dead at the scene which quite thoroughly shocked her.
The Mad, Mad March Hare Acoustic Exposition
A wild construction of creative thought
Will be played by the duo in question.
And I for one don’t think that you’ll want to eschew this
Cuz once the notes go hippety-hop they’ll never be played again
Quite the same way.
A tisket, and tasket a green and yellow basket
I wrote a letter to my love and on the way I burned it
I burned it, I burned it, and on the way I burned it
It never made it to the post, cuz on the way I burned it.
Like dust in the wind or like beetles who’ve been pinned
We go away and don’t come back, O God, O God I’m mortal
It is true, it’s not true, how do you know the sky’s blue?
There’s not a Heaven, not a Hell, and not a tune to dance to.
14. The Bedroom Door
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
The rain has come to Texas again
And all the birds have ceased singing
But on its leave the sky will grow clear
And all of the Church bells be ringing.
She lay so still
As it dripped from her wrist down her fingers
Dew on the windowsill
And like dew, her spirit won’t linger.
Dark thoughts, like ships, sailed across her mind
“What will mother do when she finds me?”
And in her hand the key to freedom,
“But what will freedom leave behind me?”
“What’s here for me but sorrow and pain,
And wondering why God designed me?
And yet, when I think only of me
I’m letting my sorrow define me.
“And when I think of what it would do to her
To know that I wasn’t brave enough to be there.”
In her mind she saw a line
Of black umbrellas on a gray day
All the birds were silent and still
And all of the Church bells were ringing.
She lay so still
As it fell from her hand to the floor
Dew on the windowsill
And she got up and walked out The Bedroom Door.
I can see that you can see that
We are ships tossed on the ocean
I have been where you can never go
And I hope you don’t follow me…
15. The Promise
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
And when the stars go out I will be there for you
When the shadows fall I will be standing right beside you
And oh I know that all these things must pass
And all the grey be turned to silver glass.
Oh my love for you will weather any tempest
I will not let time or sorrow play the temptress
No I won’t ever let you go
I’ll never let you go where I can’t follow.
For my love of you is vast like the ocean
And no earthly force can thwart by devotion
And oh I know you’ll never let me go
You’ll never let me go where I can’t follow you.
16. Snake
Copyright Jennifer Grassman 2011
There is a calm inside
Midst the violent storm
Here in my heart abides
A peace that from war was born.
I’ve laid my regrets aside
I’ve heard sense through the clanging din
Like a snake I’ve shed this skin of fear
And the doubt that held me in.
This is the end
This my Amen
Louder then the quaking thunder of a thousand horses
Stampeding the Shadow Valley of a Thousand Horses.
Out of the womb of night
Is born a radiant light
From the tomb of ancient time
Breaks forth an immortal dawn.
Where are your questions now?
Where is your scorn and ridicule?
Where is the gall that made you stand
And make me you stepping stool?
My heart is at peace and finally
Resolved are my mind and soul
The scattered pieces of my self
Have combined to form a whole.
