Internet Proverbs: If Solomon Had Been A Millennial

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Arguing with a fool on the internet is like wrestling a pig;
you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

A wise woman considers her child’s health and nutrition,
but posting about it on Facebook is like poking a thousand bears.

The prudent person recognizes a troll and mutes them,
but the simple keep arguing and suffer needless stress.

Train up a child in either Apple or Android;
and even when they are old they will not depart from it.

A wise man reads an article before commenting;
a foolish man forms his opinion based on the preview title.

Block an irritating heckler and banish strife;
Mute a troll and quarreling and abuse will cease.

Some people read your posts to understand your perspective;
Others skim them just to comment with their own.

A wise man converses respectfully and calmly;
an idiot becomes enraged over irrelevant non-issues.

Our forefathers established their reputations as mature grown men;
but everyone knows how immature the millenial generation was at 13.

A fool in his folly believes in the myth of privacy policies;
advertisers will know you’re pregnant before your mother does.

Do not read the prattling posts of an idiot;
He speaks many words yet says nothing of value.

One who seeks to incite drama and discord is wicked;
he spews fake news and his lies are as malware for your brain.

He who swallows nonsense like delicious morsels is not woke;
and she who births contention is not winning.

My son, use hashtags in moderation;
do not follow people who say things like #teamfollowback.
Their path leads to chaos and a flurry of nonsense;
for a thousand followers, they would even trade a puppy.

Grumpy Cat is wiser than most politicians;
He says nothing, yet communicates a firm grasp on the dire state of things.

Auto-fill makes for fun games on Facebook;
but one bad spell-check could seal the covfefe of nations.

Consider all news sources with the skepticism of Side Eyeing Chloe;
If it’s fake news it’s folly, if it’s real that’s even worse.

When characters are unlimited, stupidity is not lacking;
but whoever restrains his tweets is prudent.



She's a Texan stay-at-home mom of three who listens to heavy metal and likes black licorice. She's baking, piano-playing poet who loves fantasy literature, Star Trek, and will slay you at Scrabble. But even as she's changing diapers, sweeping up Cheerios, and cleaning peanut butter off the cat, Jennifer is thinking about writing. Whether she's crafting her next humorous parenting anecdote, composing a new song, or contemplating a profound theological concept, 87.42% of Jennifer's writing is done in her head.
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